Teaming up with David Bowie

David Bowie and I teamed up over the weekend to rework his outdated spaced out number space oddity. Dave said that he thought the lyrics were stale as an old poo. So this is what we came up with. Enjoy.

Ground Control To Major Tom
By David Bowie and James Quinton

Bowel control to Pooey Bum, Bowel control to Pooey Bum:
Take your fibre pills and put your helmet on
Bowel control to Pooey Bum: Commencing pantsdown nappies on
Check incontinence and may God’s love be with you

This is Bowel control to Pooey Bum, your impaction made the grade!
And the papers want to know whose anus you smear,
Now it’s time for a colonoscopy if you dare

This is Bowel control to Pooey Bum, I’m defecating as we speak
Now I’m floating in the most peculiar way
And the stools look very different today

For here am I sitting on a tin can, far above the world
Toilet water’s blue and there’s nothing I can do

BRIDGE

Though I’ve passed one hundred thousand stools, I’m feeling very ill
And I think my sphincter knows which way to go,
tell my wife I love her very much she knows

Bowel control to Pooey Bum:
You’re puritus ani, there’s something wrong.
Can you wipe my pooey bum?
Can you wipe my pooey bum?
Can you wipe my pooey bum? Can you …

Here am I floating round my tin can, far above the moon
Dunny water’s blue and there’s nothing I can do

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